There I was, kicking it like "Office Space" by the printer, awaiting my warm, Microsoft Word-ed, tree-sliced emission, when I suddenly realized what kind of technology we’re dealing with today: Fast. How fast? Laser jet fast.
I love it that the hardware companies have christened their printers as "laser jet ink printers." Could they have picked any faster two-word combo than "laser jet" to market the speed at which documents are produced by their merchandise? I have to laugh when I think about it. I mean, lasers are fast. I don't believe I've been in direct contact with any since my last youth group trip to Laser Tag, but from what I remember, the results were darn near immediate. And jets don't F around, either. So, really, with those two words together, you're banking on one heckuva guarantee. At "laser jet" speed, that paper should be flying -- literally -- right outta there. It should be printed off in a pre-folded paper airplane, just shooting out at people. I would think at the preliminary board meeting for this new printer, the execs had to be asking each other, "Good God, do we need to include a backstop with each purchase?"
I can't wait for the day employees look at each other around the chrome, space-age water cooler and reminisce, "Remember those 'laser jet ink printers'? Oh, man, weren't those a joke! Sure glad we now got that 'telekinetic light year Speedy Gonzalez atom-splitting Mexican-restaurant-dinner 5000 printer!'"
