Expiration Dates

As Kryptonite is to Superman, so is an expiration date to us common folk. An expiration date can determine your limits, weaken your intent, and stymie your actions. It's that powerful. Come to think of it, I'm not so sure Superman himself is insusceptible to the effects of an expiration date. I'll bet even the Man of Steel would have to hold up his hands in refusal on a glass of one-day-expired milk.

You can find expiration dates on virtually any product sold nowadays. Food, medicine, cleaning supplies, water (water, for crying out loud!) -- you name it. We're a society obsessed with expiration dates. We want it on everything now. We demand it because we don't like guessing games. We want an expiration date established for our driver's license, club membership, elevator inspection, and military conflict. Even if it's a made-up date, just say it so that we can live according to it.

I struggle with the expiration date. Admittedly, I have no earthly idea what it means. All I know is that someone who was trusted enough to assign expiration dates to products for a living calculated and officially declared this product "invalid" as of this given date. Talk about a powerful position... And it's a very specific date. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. This is the day. This is when it happens. Heed this date. Someone is confident in that particular date enough to sear it on the product, right in your face. You know what, you got me -- I'm heeding.

The ambiguity of that expiration date deepens, however, when you try to understand just what that date signifies -- does this product's world come crashing down on this date, or is this product's final day of credibility this date? Do I have this date's 24-hour period, or should I trash it prior to this date? Some expiration dates will give you a very hazy preposition before the date, like "expired on March 26" or "expired by March 26." These could be translated either way. But what's worse is what most products do: Here's the date, no preposition, figure it out yourself. Good luck.

To play it safe, I usually toss the product a couple days before the expiration date. I can't take chances. I don't know what happens on that date, and I am certainly not interested in finding out.

Quite honestly, I'm surprised that they haven't nailed it down to the expiration hour yet. That would help immensely. There goes any doubt or reservations I have with your blue ink timestamp.