Customer Service

Pardon my I-remember-when-gas-was-a-quarter moment, but remember when customer service was actually a service to the customer? Employees would wait on you hand and foot to ensure everything's fine. There was a phone line connected specifically for your concerns and disagreements -- a phone line that went directly to a representative. There was a money-back-guarantee policy sans the red tape.

It's all one gigantic customer disservice now. If you want them, come find them. If their phone number's in the phone book, it's a guessing game which one of 32 given numbers will lead you to the correct department for your specific need. Or you can grab your sleuth hat and magnifying glass and try locating that diminishing "Contact us" link on their website that's so small, it's obvious they don't want to be reached. And forget the operator if you do stumble upon a phone number -- it's a digital scavenger hunt trying to push the right series of touch-tone keys to finally reach your destination. And then... wait. Wait for five minutes. Wait for 20 minutes. Wait for the next available representative your call will be taken in the order in which it was placed thank you for holding please have your account and invoice number ready this call may be recorded or monitored we apologize for your inconvenience.

Let's just quit apologizing for the inconvenience, CSR's. Quit reading the "I’m sorry" statement teleprompted on your computer screen. No one's taking you seriously or forgivingly. Just save that energy and put it towards a means of rectifying my issue.

I miss the days of old. The representative who spoke in my native tongue. The store clerk who willingly assisted me regardless of whether or not that was her department. The realization that people don’t stick their receipts on their fridge by a Psalm 23 magnet but can and do misplace them.

I'll always remember customer service. She was a good friend. The way she spoke, the way she smiled, the way she bagged my groceries for me. It's too bad -- such a sudden yet quiet death. We can bury her next to her cousin, the defunct "The customer is always right" unwritten policy.