Urinals

I've been experiencing some problems in the bathroom at work lately. (No, my stream of urine is flowing just fine, but thank you for your concern.) It's this sudden movement taking my whole workplace bathroom by storm: urinal talk. Redefining the words "awkward" and "uncomfortable," a few co-workers have started feeling like there's no better place to engage in a conversation than at the urinal. Inappropriate? Yes, but I was thinking more along the lines of unnervingly, opprobriously, call-a-psychiatrist vile.

I’ve actually been using a urinal while someone was looking at me, talking to me, doing nothing that couldn't be done anywhere else in the office, a parking lot, or your mom's living room. No #1, no #2, no washing of the hands... Just standing there, staring at me, and talking. As if it's perfectly normal.

It's not a water cooler, people. And, I'm sorry, I don't think my workplace ensemble resembles a Catholic altar boy. So, seriously, let's turn the creepiness down a notch or two and take this "socially acceptable" concept into consideration next time you have the urge to tell me about your extracurricular activities while I'm fulfilling my duties as a bladder bearer. Do you think you can hold off your complaint of having to mow your lawn today about 19 more seconds while I finish up here?

Women have it a lot better, so it's much more understanding. Sitting in a closed stall, you've pretty much got your own little office there. Talk away, ladies. But usually when my fly's open, my belt's unbuckled, and I'm fully exposed for all the urinal to see, I'm not thinking of an icebreaker for the dude doing the same thing next to me.