Stalkers

Being completely honest here, I'd make a horrible stalker. I'm just not that motivated. Think about the time and dedication involved in stalking someone. You have to learn that person's schedule, show up whenever that person is around, find good hiding spots, perpetually maintain anonymity... That's a lot of pressure.

You'd really have to revolve your everyday calendar around someone else's -- that's a commitment I'm just not willing to make. Never mind the expenses you have to budget for: the gasoline, the binoculars, and the newspaper and magazine subscriptions so you can act like you're reading but you're really not. And that's just the amateur stalkers. The pros probably use night-vision goggles, and those can't be cheap.

Through college, I may have been the worst note-taker -- nobody copied my class notes -- and my guess is that you'd probably have to take some fairly in-depth notes as a stalker. Get really detailed. Timestamp everything. Forget that, man.

Also, when do you know you've gotten really good as a stalker? What's the end goal here? To get arrested? Is that the landmark stalkers aspire for? Seems confusing to me. Jail time could signify poor stalking practicing; but at the same time, it's public validation for stalkers, which means, upon being sentenced, they're basically being certified as stalkers -- an achievement in its own right; in that sense, imprisonment is like saying, "Congratulations, we officially declare you a professional stalker because you were doing the things stalkers do." Nope, I think I'll just stick with the online predator thing.