E-mail

Life without e-mail is hard to imagine. Modern society absolutely would crumble without it. This doesn't mean, though, that e-mail is without its pain points and just plain silliness.

For example, I think we all have moments where slapping a red-painted exclamation point to denote immediate, urgent review on our outgoing e-mail is a substantiated action. (It should be noted, however, that this "high importance" e-mail selection should substitute the 17 exclamation points and caps lock in the subject line otherwise used. No need to use all of the above.) I just can't quite wrap my head around this "low importance" option in my Outlook.

What situation calls for a low importance signifier? I mean, aren't regular e-mails -- those with no selected level of importance -- basically of low importance? Or is there an even lower level of importance than that? If it's not flagged by a red exclamation point, I figure it's not hostage-situation important, so I'll get to it when I get to it. But an e-mail with "low importance"... I mean, I'm throwing that sucker so far on the backburner, I might read that this calendar year, might not. Essentially, I guess it doesn't really even matter if I ever read it, does it? You, the messenger of this information, regard this data as so low of importance that you've intentionally gone out of your way to connote it as such. Think of it this way: If I were to sort my inbox by levels of importance, your e-mail would be listed lower on the electronic message totem pole than forwarded chain e-mails with jokes degrading blondes, rednecks, lawyers, and anyone of an orientation not of the forwarder's and attempted phishing scams from pseudo financial corporations.

Since we've now brought up forwarded chain e-mails... how about omitting these blessings and curses at the conclusion of the e-mail that outline my fate depending upon whether or not I forward this Laffy Taffy joke or inspirational story to seven people I know? I'm tired of reading e-mails that come with blackmail demands and unexpected repercussions. You know, here I am taking the time to open your e-mail and read it, and suddenly I have an assignment to send it on to avoid a drastic pitfall ranging anywhere from unhappiness in life to the death of my first born. I don't recall signing up for eWitchcraft.